Mother of stillborn baby creates legacy, space for others to grieve

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COLORADO SPRINGS — One mother who suffered an incredible loss after giving birth to a stillborn baby, now gives back each year on what would have been her son’s birthday.

“It’s always going to hurt but there will be a time when you can breath again,” said Sierra Spencer who has a stillbirth.

Spencer lost her son, Virtuu, to a stillbirth nearly six years ago, Jan. 30, 2015.

“I went for my scheduled C-section for my son, and he no longer had a heartbeat. In that moment there wasn’t really any support, it was kind of like, ok here are some antidepressants, and go on about your business,” Spencer said. “I didn’t know anybody else that I could kind of talk to, so it was really rough to go through alone.”

She didn’t want other mothers to go through that experience alone, so she started reaching out to women experiencing loss.

“I don’t think I’d be here today if it wasn’t for her,” said Christa Halton. Halton carried her baby for six months before she was induced. Her baby also a stillborn.

“[In the hospital] I was on the baby floor, you hear babies crying, mommies giving birth it’s not easy. You’re walking out with nothing, I was pregnant for 6 months and you go through that, and you don’t get to walk out with a baby,” Halton said.

“1 in 4 women lose a child. However, it’s a taboo subject that nobody really talks about. I live my life, I’m an open book, I’ll share with anybody what I’ve went through just so these moms know that they’re not alone and that it’s ok to grieve your baby. I don’t care if you were five weeks pregnant and had a miscarriage or if your child was two. it’s a different loss but it’s still a loss. and it hurts,” Spencer said.

She shares her story with the goal of giving mothers some support and a safe space to grieve.

Spencer said there is not a lot of support from doctors so she tried to do what she can and reach out on social media.

“With Sierra she it brings it out – she brings it to life,” said Halton.

Now each year on what would have been her son Virtuu’s birthday, Spencer gives gifts to other kids, in families who are usually less fortunate.

“I feel like is aimed to bring good to the world on his behalf,” Spencer said. “Around his first angelversary I wanted to find a kid that would be turning the same age as him.”

“It really warms my heart that she is still moving along after all this time. I just thought it was a sweet thing that she is doing right now,” said Taezhania Carrera.

With COVID she wanted to do more, so this year she’s helping three families.

“I have one that was born on [Jan.] 29 and two that were born on [Jan.] 30. I’m in the process of getting gifts together. I’m also going to a cake and dinner for one of them,” Spencer said.

Though it’s hard to get up every day Spencer said helping others is healing.

“Yeah I kind of feel like that’s kind of what keeps me going, in the times that it’s just overwhelming, January can being one of them, that’s what keeps me going,” Spencer said. “To be able to look a mom in the eye or just have another conversation with a mom and let her know I’ve been where you’re at, I’ve been there, but there’s another side. You will get beauty for your ashes.”

Just like a rainbow after a storm, Spencer & Halton say it’s important to talk openly about the babies they lost.

Spencer said she would love to start a non-profit organization to help women who have lost children and give them financial help and other resources.

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