(COLORADO SPRINGS) — We’ve all seen it: a parent yelling at the referee from the sidelines, or maybe they pulled their kid aside to tell them what they should have done differently. And hey, some of us are guilty of it, too!

Sports performances could have a big impact on your teen. Luckily, Parenting Teens Mentor Kirsten Duke has tips on navigating those highs and lows of the game.

First, be wary of criticisms and comparisons.

Comparison looks like this:
“Did you see how Johnny dribbled the ball? You should practice more to be that controlled.”

Criticism looks like this:
“If only you practiced more, you would’ve made that goal.”

Don’t focus on what you want your kids to do. Instead, focus more on the ‘controllables’ like the effort they want to put forth.

If you are struggling to chat with your teen about their performances, Duke has a few conversation starters for parents, including dealing with frustration with their abilities, sportsmanship, and whether or not they should stay on the team.

Check out the video above for more, or check out her Instagram for daily tips!