(COLORADO SPRINGS) — The holidays often mean extra family time is on the way, and an angsty teen may not want to join in on the fun! Luckily, Parenting Teens Mentor Kristen Duke has tips on connecting with a rebellious teen this holiday season.

First, try offering your teen experiences rather than indulging in expensive clothes and electronics. For example, write them a heartfelt letter, plan a staycation nearby, or sign up for a class they’re interested in. Allowing them to pick something they’d like to do rather than telling them what to do can also strengthen the relationship between you two.

Next, if your teen is still grumpy, a parent’s response could make a big difference. To avoid responding harshly out of frustration, try counting to ten first (or 100 if you need more time). Plus, planning how you’ll respond ahead of time can ensure a calm and cool discussion.

A few more tips for parents to keep in mind: lower your expectations, show them you love them no matter what, and check your own grumpy attitude at the door!

For more parenting advice, you can check out Kristen’s website or her Instagram for daily updates!