COLORADO SPRINGS, COLO. -- It is the first instinct of any parent, to protect your child from harm.

But when do those instincts become too much? When do they begin to interfere with a child's well-being?

"I am not afraid for them to fail because I think that natural consequences are the best consequences," Melissa Vanderbilt said.

Vanderbilt is the mother of three grown children. She said looking back, one of the best things she did for her kids was let them experience some of life's hardships.

For example, Vanderbilt said instead of grounding her children when they got a bad grade in school, she would instead let them experience having to take the test or the class over again.

"People will ground for all different kinds of actions, but those actions will have their own consequences if you let them receive them," Vanderbilt said.

She said when her kids did not do something right, she tried to not look at it as a reflection on her parenting skills.

The reason? She did not want to "coddle" her children.

Experts said there are four main reasons parents "pamper" their kids.

"The first one tends to be they really think they are doing a good job parenting, either this is how they were raised or this is what they have read in books," Tim Sanford said.

Sanford is a licensed professional counselor. He said there are other reasons parents "coddle."

One, they may be making up for what they did not have as a child. Two, parents want their kids to like and accept them, and three, it is easier to "coddle" than really parent.

Sanford said there are two kinds of pain in life that parents needs to be aware of - pain that makes a person stronger, and pain that can be life-changing.

"There are going to be these kinds of pains, and these kinds of pains give kids experience, expertise and some toughness," Sanford said. "The other kind of pain we need to protect them from."

In an effort to protect their kids from the more severe pain, Sanford said parents tend to keep their children from experiencing any pain or discomfort, something experts said can lead to "helicopter parenting," which can be detrimental to a child's development.

"We really rob from our kids learning opportunities if we do not let them experience some discomfort, some struggle," Jedd Hafer said.

Hafer is a father and speaker with "The Love and Logic Institute," a parenting philosophy. He said the founders of "Love and Logic" wanted to teach parents when it is good to rescue a child, and when it is time to back-off.

"The worry is, that sends a lot of messages to kids you are not capable, you need to be rescued," Hafer said.

Hafer said parents can start teaching their children at a young age the skills they will need to solve problems on their own in high school, college and eventually in the professional world.

He said start with the little things and go from there, something Melissa Vanderbilt said worked for her family and prepared her kids for life after home.

If you would like to learn more about "Love and Logic" or attend an upcoming class or seminar you can contact Rachel Wilson at rachelbrook@yahoo.com or by phone at 719-233-6856.

Current workshops begin Nov. 9 and run through Dec. 21. Click here for more information.

If you would like to schedule an appointment with Tim Sanford to talk about your parenting questions, you can contact him at 719-599-3080.